29 May 2013
What is normal anyway?
'Normal' is so quickly changed. We get used to things in our lives going a certain way most of the time, and then it becomes different. We reach a new normal. Sometimes a step forward, sometimes a step back. Sometimes we just move sideways into a different kind of normal. One thing I learned having babies, there. You get used to something, and it changes, quick as a flash! Baby sleeps for one and a half hours in the afternoon, then Bam! Fourty-five minutes. Baby doesn't like pumpkin, then Bam! They love it.
Anyway, this post actually wasn't supposed to be about babies... I was just locking the back door for the night and a tiny little 'new normal' detail struck me. I thought that I won't have to lock the door again before I go out tomorrow morning, because no-one will have gone out of it between now and then. You see, Before, before Hayden's accident, he would leave the house via the back door on his way to the garage to get on his bike, well before the rest of us were up (or at least coherent), leaving it unlocked. (It can't be locked again from the outside.) Now, he comes to school with us in the car, in time for the first bell. Therefore, the door stays locked. See? Nothing major, just a tiny detail that has changed without me taking notice of it until now.
I'll admit, that as I turned around to behold my Man relaxing behind me (good, just what he should be doing!), that I had a wee twinge of longing to go back to the old normal. While I still have my positive attitude and Big-Picture glasses, I'll admit that they've become a little battered around the edges these last few weeks.
I'm 30 weeks pregnant. I'm really tired. My pelvis is sore and my back/left hip is intensely painful. I have three busy (gorgeous) children. I have house renovations going on. I have so many things I'd like to be doing - friends to care for, progress to make in the bathroom, crafty things for my baby and my friends babies-to-be-born - and no energy to get to them. I have church and school projects to finish. Blah blah blah. That's enough moaning.
But it's good to have a husband who has slowed down. It's so nice to spend just about every evening together AND get to bed at a good time every night! It's good to have been forced to step up and create new, good patterns and habits around our home. Sure, every time someone pops over to drop something off the house looks like a whirlwhind blew threw it, but I'm just going to call that bad timing... (Maria, the house looks 1000% better than when you stopped in a few hours ago!) It's good to be so well supported by Hayden's school, Hamilton Christian School, and especially his principal. It's good to know so many people have been and are praying for us. It's good to see God's grace in the small things, even if I've been ungrateful in my receiving them.
I think life is always 'normal', for the person living it. It doesn't look the same for everyone. Someone else's normal is not mine - and at times that can be a source of thanksgiving! And 'normal' isn't static. You can't define it, because, like I said at the start, you define it and the next moment it's changed!
At the moment, my normal is more difficult than my old normal. But it's up to me (by God's grace, because I've seen my own strength isn't enough) to step up to the plate and embrace it, not lamenting what was. Notice how I didn't just say 'deal with it?' Highs and lows are part of being a human, and for me (and I'd like to think all of us) there are always joys to find. Sometimes the joys are obvious. Sometimes you just need to see that the joys are the little things you usually take for granted. Sometimes the only joy you can find is, like I read somewhere today, that you woke up in a warm bed this morning. But there'll be something. Somethings, usually.
I have much to be joyful about. So much. I'm going to attempt to focus on those things. Remind me when I forget, will you?